Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
