It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
