That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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