Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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