dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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