she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
