Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
