I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
