.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
