why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
