I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ugly people sure do ruin things
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
