How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
