were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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