If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
