I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
