he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
