After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
