she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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