keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
