Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
