i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
