Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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