why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
