how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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