Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
