I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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