I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
