I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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