apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
