well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
