When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
