Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
