it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Four minutes until I can fart!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
