Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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