I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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