so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My penis needs a shock collar
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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