WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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