Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
