when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
