I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
