Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
