so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
