Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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