Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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