the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they're like a gay fantastic four
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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