You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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