Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
