I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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