She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
