nut hugger
420 ftw
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
