Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
