white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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